Ok, I've been a mom for 10 1/2 yrs. now and I've gotten pretty good at "fixing" things. Hungry? Snack. Tired? Nap. Ouchy? Bandaid. But the last couple of days I've sensed my mom-role morphing a little bit. (Ok, it's in a constant state of flux and growth, I'm just a little slow and change-resistant...) In fact, the last couple of days, I feel like I've completely crashed and burned as a mom and that's how God's totally gotten my attention.
I'm realizing I spend so much time trying to "fix" things just so I can move on to the next issue/thing on my list, that I'm just not listening.
I'm realizing that as my kids grow, I need to listen and be a gentle encourager, instead of a quick-fix control freak. I'm seeing that trying to deal with the conflict for my kids doesn't really teach them strategies or give them the confidence to begin to deal with conflict personally. And in fact, my type A "fix-it" nature adds to their anxiety! It's so hard to see my two oldest kids begin to struggle with friend issues or beginnings of "self-awareness" (who am I?). Oh, as a mom I do just want to "fix" it all! I want to wrap them in my arms, cover them in their favorite blankies and shield them from everything less than ideal! But I'm realizing that's just not real - that's not fair - and that exposes a kink in my armor of trust in God.
Reflecting upon my past couple of days as a mom, I was reminded about last week when I was by myself for the afternoon. It was so incredibly quiet. Too quiet. Uncannily quiet. I almost felt a bit uncomfortable. And then I realized I fill so much of my life with noise - actual audible noise and also figurative noise that I create for myself, such as continuing to "do, fix, and cross off my list," that I really don't spend near enough time just simply listening...it's that still, small voice. Hmmm...what's He telling us that we're just not hearing because we're "afraid of the quiet?" Really makes me think.
Anyway, don't know if this makes any sense...I guess it just all boils down to just listening. Really, really listening. Not just hearing, not just solving, but being still, trusting, and vulnerable. And knowing He's got us wrapped in HIS arms.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Learning to Listen
Posted by Erin at 8:07 PM
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4 comments:
Great post Erin. With Mya starting kindergarten this fall I've been thinking a lot about the hurts that can come with friends and school and wanting to protect her from it all. I know I can't (and would actually hurt her in the long run if I did), but I have that control-freak-fix-it-type-A personality too. I think school will bring a whole new level to mommyhood and I think it will be tough! I think listening for His voice and wisdom is probably the only way to make it through. Being a mom has definately driven me to be dependent on HIM more than ever before.
You are such a treasure Erin!! My heart said a huge AMEN as I read your post today...what a great reminder and encouragement! I've was reading just yesterday an incredible article about teaching kids to run to God for answers instead of instilling them with a list of rules.
love you,
Lisa
Wow, thanks for that post Erin!
I was just listening to the radio today about over protective parents and how distructive that is. You are doing a wonderful job as mommy!!
I'd love to get together sometime soon! :)
Erin-
As a teacher I have been blessed to have you as a parent in my classroom for the past four years. I wish you could teach a class on parenting to other parents!! I think you are just awesome!! There is a saying I have on my wall at home that says-There are two things we give our kids, one is roots and the other is wings. It is the wings part of parenting and the allowing them to fall sometimes that is the hard part. I try to remind myself that I need to let my kids try something and fall for themselves to learn, and that is SO hard. When my son started college, he was faced with all of the evils of peer pressure and I was so frightened, but I had to hope and trust that I had taught him right. Did he drink before he was 21, sure, but he called me at 11:00 and told me he had had one beer, so could I come pick him up. While he isn't perfect, he had learned something by our example and was open and honest with me and didn't risk his own life or that of anyone else by getting behind the wheel. For that I thanked God for being that little voice of reason in his head. You and Ross are wonderful parents and you have wonderful children to show for it!!
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