Adoption?

Ok, it's been about 11 months since God launched us on this incredible adoption journey. But how'd we get to that point? Abby and Christine, two friends and blogging buddies have inspired me to revisit how it all started for us.

Why? Kind of reminds me of a little craft we did in women's ministry this month. They gave us a journal, glass jar, and a bag of little river rocks. Inside the journal says, "This journal is to remind us that God is our rock and our redeemer. Each time God does something powerful in your life, take a stone, mark it, place it in the jar, and then record your "God story" in your journal. May we never forget God's faithfulness." (This idea came from Joshua 4, when the Lord commanded His people to collect twelve memorial stones from the Jordan - awesome story, check it out.) So, to remember and to proclaim what God can and does do with imperfect open hearts and arms, here we go: I'm just gonna copy what I wrote in one of many applications...:)

Ross brought up the subject of adoption years ago, when we had two little ones, and I thought it was a great idea, but acting on it seemed so distant and unreal. Since then we've had two more kids, moved closer to family, helped launch our church and have steadily developed a definite direction, vision, and mission for our little family. This past year especially has been a year of tremendous spiritual growth for me and Ross and our family. I have experienced God, His love, protection, and provision in unbelievable ways. It seems only natural and right to pour that love He's shown me right back out again.

This past spring I remember going to visit friends and their new baby at the hospital.. We had all four kids and were in a bit of a hurry because Ross had just gotten home from work, we hadn't eaten dinner, and I had worship practice. (This just kind of paints the picture of my harried mom-mind at that moment.) When we entered the hospital room, we offered our congratulations, heard the labor story, and then, without me asking, the grandma placed this sweet little peanut in my arms. At that moment I felt God speak to my heart - undeniably. I heard, "You can love someone who didn't come from you." It was that clear to me. I started crying! On our way home, Ross asked if I was OK, and I told him what I had heard in my heart. That night and all of the following week, that experience turned into a steadily growing desire in my heart to look into adoption, and that desire turned into a conviction! As Ross and I talked and talked and prayed and prayed, we both came to the same conclusion: if we both have the desire and conviction to adopt, let's do it! Let's not wait for the "perfect time," because we knew from our experience conceiving our biological kids, that the "perfect time" never comes. It's all about God's time. And we knew this was it.


It's actually hilarious to read that last line, because we just assumed that because we were starting the process then that we'd be about done by now. ha ha ha Just goes to show that surrendering and simply saying "yes" was just the BEGINNING of the growing and learning of the past year!

I'm not sure what God's plans are or how He'll use us - I have my hopes, but it's not about us, I've finally gotten that!

I've been wanting to add this video from last fall for a while - it's a little old, but cracks me up just as much today as it did then.

Little Boxes

Tonight as I was getting the kids ready for bed (Ross is in Chicago for a meeting), our six-year old Maggie was telling me she wished she could write "sorry" cards to everybody she'd fought with today - it was one of those days...I told her she could just tell everybody she was sorry and that she'd surely be forgiven - and that I'd already forgiven her. She was obviously feeling anxious about this as she sat in my lap and tentatively said, "It's like I have a row of little boxes in my head and each box has a picture in it - like one of you and one of Miles and I just keep looking at them and looking at them." So I told her (kind of hastily 'cause I was just ready to get everybody tucked in), "Just give those boxes to Jesus!"

Now as I sit here by myself and think about this, I realize two things. One is that I'm so thankful for Maggie's sensitivity, insight, and desire to make things right. And two is that I need to take my own advice! How many little boxes do I have in my own head that I keep dumping out, looking at, and worrying about when I need to just pack 'em up and give them to Jesus?! Pretty profound for me...it's got "God" written all over it...Ok Lord, I get it! :)

My Boyfriend

My little man Miles said about the sweetest thing ever to me tonight right before bed. I just gotta share it...

As we were putting on his p.j.'s, I stood him up, grabbed his hands, he looked at me so earnestly and said, "Mom, who'm I gonna marry since Dad already married you?"

A New Thing

I've got another sickie home today. I feel like at least one of us has been sick for the last month! I'm looking forward to spring! Anyway, because I'm homebound today, I've been having fun discovering old friends. It's been so great to get comments on this blog from friends I haven't seen in years! And then I've been able to find others through their blogs. This is so cool...

Anyway, I've been wanting to write an update on our adoption process for weeks, but Ross and I have just been taking our time to pray, talk, seek counsel, and regroup. It's actually been a really neat and needed time of reflection, introspection, and GROWTH.

To make a really long story short, here's what we've come up with: We definitely feel the continued passion and conviction to adopt, but after talking with our social worker, together we decided that the best option for our family would be to pursue adoption from Ethiopia.

I don't doubt how God has led us this far - I've learned SOOO much - Ross likes to tease me that it's a good thing this process hasn't been easy, otherwise I'd be tempted to think it was my effort of completing two dossiers in record time, or bravely driving through the perfect storm that got it done! You know, faith is nothing until it's tested. I really feel so relaxed now, and that's been the hugest blessing. There are still so many questions, WAY too much information to learn and papers to fill out, but now I really do trust that it's all in His time and power - not mine.

I was reading Isaiah 43 yesterday, and so much of it applies to what we've learned through this:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour...
Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east and from the west I will gather you. I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made...
Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I do sense that God is doing a new thing. Both within me, in our adoption, and in calling His people to care for orphans around the world. Amazingly, within the past two weeks alone, after Ross and I had decided on Ethiopia (but hadn't told anyone yet), I had 3 friends call me randomly, out-of-the-blue, and tell me they felt led to adopt - specifically from Ethiopia.

International adoption is by nature so volatile, but I know that nothing happens here on Earth without first passing through His hands. I'm just so excited to be a small part of what is obviously dear to God's heart - reaching out, caring for, and if it's His will, adopting and loving an orphan (or orphans!) :)

So, Lord willing, to be continued!......

"Once about a time"

Just a quick little random "Miles story" that came out of nowhere on our family drive tonight...

"Hey guys, listen! Listen to this story I'm gonna tell you! Once about a time there was a boy named Miles. He didn't like salad, or cooked broccoli, or raw carrots, or weird people. The End."

Heartbreak in Ukraine

This is a post from a family who has been in Ukraine for over a month...just a little glimpse into what's been going on over there.

FRIDAY, MARCH 7, 2008

We are Going Home
Our third referral is too sick to leave his groupa. This poor child cannot function outside his groupa. He is so mentally challenged that he cannot be considered for adoption. We were shown his file nonetheless.

We are done here and are returning home.

We sat in the hallway of the SDA until we were allowed to meet with the Director. We asked why we were shown files three different times of children that were so much worse then their files stated. We asked why we were not allowed to call the orphanage director during our third appointment. We were told that the SDA staff is too busy to keep the files current or accurate and that they rely upon the families to take the referrals and report back to the SDA about the childrens' status. This information isn't consistently added to the children's files.

We were told that it was illegal for us to have had our 3rd appointment. (Third appointments are not illegal.) We were asked if we were asking to have members of the SDA break the law by being allowed to see more files. Even though we reiterated numerous times that we were looking for a child with correctable health issues or a child that had the cognitive ability to function within a family unit and that the child or 2 children could be of either sex and up to 7 years old we were told that there are no files that would meet our criteria. The SDA Director told us that there are no healthy children under 8 or 10 years old. She said that she is working with the US Embassy to update their website to reflect this information. She said that Ukrainians do not abandon their children in orphanages if they are healthy. She said that prospective adoptees that want healthy children go to countries like China where children are abandoned for reasons other then health.

We did not receive nor did we think we would be offered an apology for being shown inaccurate and outdated files. It is our perception based on this conversation that the SDA has no interest in keeping the files current or accurate. It is our conclusion that there is no concern for adopting families traveling blindly to far away regions in their country based on wrong data. The excuse we were offered was that it was God's will that we did not find our child here. From our perspective the reason is that we are forced to make decisions on children with information that is completely inaccurate and outdated. Thankfully for many families the inaccuracies plays in their favor. For us the inaccurancies did not.

We did not fail the children of Ukraine. We see them being failed by their own government. I saw piles of files in every room we were in during the selection process. We are told by complete strangers in this process that when the SDA is called by orphanage directors or city inspectors the SDA has no record of the child, and that the files sit on desks of medical doctors who don't feel there is any need to expedite their updating. Based on dates given to us during our appointments, children are available for adoption months before they are ever shown to prospective adoptees.

It is so saddening and heartbreaking for the children. These children run to you, cry for you, gaze at you from afar because they so desperately want a Mama and a Papa to love them. We do not cry for ourselves. To try to make sense of it all is futile as there is no logic or humanity in it. We are going home and we know in our hearts that we did as much as we could for a child in Ukraine.

I'm back!

I'm back from two weeks of flu and strep throat. I seriously felt like I was going to die. It's sad that it takes being sick to be so thankful for health!

I've got lots to update on the adoption front. Hopefully tonight I'll get a chance.