Growing Pains

It's been an emotionally, mentally challenging couple of weeks. I've had so many up, down, and all-around thoughts and feelings about this adoption that I really don't know where to start.

We've learned that many of the families that have traveled to Ukraine have come home without children because the SDA is referring severely handicapped or sick children to families who requested healthy children. Some of these families have been able to request more appointments, like Dan and Tracy (whose future daughter is 7), and others have gone home and will attempt again next month. Last week Ross and I began thinking about adopting siblings, but found out that we were only approved for one child, not two, like we originally assumed. We thought maybe bringing two home would increase the likelihood of them being somewhat healthy. In order to change our approval to two, we would have to fill out a motion to reopen our case, update our homestudy, and pay more $. Then once we got to Ukraine, there would be no assurance that siblings would be available.

Today I received an update from our agency that it will not be possible to adopt a healthy child under age 3 from Ukraine. This is also disappointing seeing that we were initially told there were healthy children 14 mo. and older available.

I've always felt that God has led us on this journey and I'm surrendered to His will...now I'm just trying to figure out what it is! I initially thought that if we got to Ukraine and God led us to an older or special needs child, then that would be great. But to know ahead of time that a healthy child younger than Miles is not available, makes me rethink that. Maybe God is leading us in a different direction yet again! I feel so torn knowing that these kids need loving families, but wanting what's best for my kiddos and our family make-up too...and wondering what would be wise and what we could handle!

It's interesting to me that at the beginning of this adoption process I had it all planned out - and God has shown me that He's in control. I recently told a friend who's had the "heart-stirrings" for adoption that I began this journey thinking it was all about us rescuing an orphan and growing our family...I've realized without a doubt that it's been just as much about molding and growing my heart to look more like Jesus'. So no matter what the outcome...an older child or special needs from Ukraine, embarking on yet another country, or just waiting for His leading, I know, without a doubt it'll be OK, 'cause it's all about Him.

Good News

We just got word that our friends currently in Ukraine have found their little girl. After four appointments with the SDA, or adoption authority in Kiev, that is great, great news.

Please pray for Dan and Tracy as they prepare for court next week and to bring their sweet girl home.

Boys

And what was Miles doing as the girls were bonding with our new horse?

Cody

God decided to bless our kids' socks off and make 3 little girls' dream come true. Introducing the newest member of our family, Cody.

Carys Eiddwen

Introducing my niece, Carys Eiddwen, born January 30th, 2008. 5 lbs. 3 oz. and 18 in. long. I'm in love!

Crossing the Red Sea

It's been crazy here. Ross was on a business trip the first half of the week and we were doing the funeral/visitation the last half of the week. You'd think that I'd crave and protect my time with God even more because of life's craziness, but I'm ashamed to say, it's been one of the first things pushed to the side. Ugh. And I've felt it.

This morning I woke up early and dug into the Word. (It's so much like excersizing or eating healthy...the thought of doing what I'm suppossed to sounds so unappealing sometimes, but it's exactly what I need and what will ultimately make me "feel" the best!) Anyway, I've been attempting to read the Bible chronologically (I'm a few days behind) and today I was in Exodus when the Israelites were about to cross the Red Sea. This is after God revealed His power through 10 plagues and they witnessed his protection as he directed them in pillars of cloud and fire, etc...and yet the Israelites, out of fear and seeing Pharaoh and his horsemen marching after them, were saying to Moses, "What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? ...For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness." And Moses' reply was, "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today...The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."

I usually think, wow, didn't the Israelites get the point that God had their backs? Well, that struck me like a bolt of lightening this morning! (God's living, active Word...) I've been struggling with fear and worry with so many unknowns concerning our adoption, and yet looking back, I'm able to see how God has been "fighting for us" from the very beginning. I just don't want to be distracted by the uncertainty and fear marching after me right now...I feel like God has led us to this point and we're waiting to cross, with faith, into our "Red Sea" - this adoption. I have no idea what's on the other side, but I'm going to stand firm, pray away that fear, and watch Him do His work.

Orphans of Ukraine

Grandpa

We just found out that Ross' grandpa passed away this afternoon after about a half-year battle with cancer. I just praise God for last week and the time his wife and girls could savor with him and each other, and for the full assurance that he went home today. Nothing like death to put life into perspective...

Delivered

I've been tracking my documents on fedex.com and thought it'd be fun to see:

Feb 4, 2008
2:50 PM
Delivered
KYIV UA

9:06 AM
Int'l shipment release
KIEV UA

9:01 AM
In transit
KIEV UA
Package available for clearance

Feb 2, 2008
9:49 AM
Departed FedEx location
PARIS FR

Feb 1, 2008
11:05 PM
Departed FedEx location
PARIS FR

8:24 PM
Arrived at FedEx location
PARIS FR

4:54 AM
Departed FedEx location
MEMPHIS, TN

1:09 AM
Departed FedEx location
MEMPHIS, TN

Jan 31, 2008
3:45 PM
In transit
MEMPHIS, TN

3:06 PM
Arrived at FedEx location
MEMPHIS, TN

9:28 AM
Arrived at FedEx location
MEMPHIS, TN

12:22 AM
At local FedEx facility
CLEVELAND, OH

Jan 30, 2008
10:28 PM
Left origin
CLEVELAND, OH

Pretty amazing to look back on my crazy week and to see this physical journey of my documents and realize just how many things had to work together in order for my documents to be completed and delivered on Feb. 4th - the date I prayed for specifically. I'm continually amazed by answered prayer - although I shouldn't be, because I know my God!